Turkey Talk
by BoomerCat
Summary: Just a little conversation about Thanksgiving between Tony and Clint. Set for the first Thanksgiving after the events of the movie


"Hey. I got you something."

"What? Why?"

"Because we're team mates? Because I could? Because I'm a Hell of a nice guy? "What's it matter? I got you something. Here."

"What? No! What is it?"

"Tsk. It's not a bomb, for God's sake. It's just a little something I thought you could use. What's the big deal? Just take it."

"I'm not taking anything from you, Stark."

"Why not? Just look at it, you might like it."

"I don't need to look at it. I'm not taking it."

"Why not?"

"I don't accept things from anybody. I don't want the obligation."

"Hawkeye, there's no obligation here. Sometimes a gift is just a gift. Here, look, I'll open the envelope for you... See? Nothing dangerous, nothing with a debt attached."

"A hunting license. You got me a hunting license."

"Yeah. A hunting license for the state of Maine. I thought you might like to unwind. Go shoot a turkey."

"Stark, my job is shooting things. What makes you think I'd unwind by shooting more things?"

"Turkeys don't shoot back?"

"Thanks, but no thanks."

"Oh, come on. Just think how impressed everyone will be at Thanksgiving if you provide the bird?"

"I can get one at the market on 68th Street if I want that particular "thrill."

"No, no, Pepper always orders the birds from Hoosic River Poultry."

"All right, so, if Pepper always orders the birds, why would I have to go hunt one down?"

"Of course you don't have to. I just thought you might want to."

"You do know that wild turkeys don't taste anything like the turkeys you get at the store, right?"

"Well, that's the point, isn't it? It's Thanksgiving. We should have a wild turkey along with the farm raised kind so that we can appreciate the difference. So we can be thankful for what we have."

"You do realize that that makes absolutely no sense, don't you?"

"Fine. I want a wild turkey because I want to have a special Thanksgiving feast for Thor."

"Thor."

"Yes, Thor. He totally saved my butt last week, and I want to do something to re-pay him."

"By me shooting a turkey."

"Okay, picture this... I'm going to get a bunch of different turkeys. I want organic, and just regular, and wild, and whatever else I can find. I'm going to roast one, deep fry another, butterfly one, just do each one different. And every damn side dish you can think of. I figure I'll have to brace up the table so that it won't cave under the weight. Imagine the look on Thor's face when he sees a feast better than any he's ever had on Asgard! It'll be epic!"

"Epically stupid."

"Look, if shooting one little old bird is too much to ask, I could just ask Spangle Pants to do it."

"Good."

"Hey! Come back here! Come on, Legolas, cut me a break here. What will it take to get you to get me that bird?"

"Well, first off, I don't want to put the miles on my car, so I want to take one of yours."

"Anything in the garage. Um, within reason... Wait! Wait! Okay, anything in the garage. Satisfied?"

"Yeah. I also want a cabin."

"What? Thanksgiving is less than a week away! What do you need a cabin for?"

"What, did you think I was going to drive 7 hours, pop a turkey off out the car window and drive 7 more hours back?"

"It takes 7 hours to get there? Damn. Okay, here's the deal. You can take the cargo quinjet to whatever Podunk airport they have up there. Then whatever car you pick to drive to where ever the turkeys are. You can have two, no, three nights at that cabin, then you come back with a turkey, all right?"

"I pick the cabin?"

"Yes, you pick the cabin."

"I'm going to need to rent an ATV. Oh, and I need my meals paid for."

"You can have the Stark Industries Amex card. Unlimited credit."

"One more thing."

"Geez for a guy who doesn't accept things, you're sure grabby. Oh, come on! I was kidding! Come back here! What's the one more thing?"

"I want a note."

"A note? What the Hell kind of note? We talking hall pass here?"

"I want a note, signed by Pepper, saying she is okay with this feast of yours."

"You think Pepper doesn't know?"

"I know she doesn't. And I'm not going traipsing in the Maine woods hunting turkeys if it's going to upset her."

"She's fine with it, but I am not her little milksop. If I want to do something nice for my friends, I'll do something nice for my friends, and she will just have to go along with it."

"No note, no turkey."

"Geez, you are such a wuss. You're afraid of her, aren't you?"

"I'll take that to mean no note. Pleasure doing business with you."

"All right, all right! I'll get a note! Most expensive damn turkey I ever got."

"Okay, I will be ready to go in thirty minutes. I'll meet you in the hangar. Don't forget the Amex card and the note. I mean it, Stark, I want that note before I leave."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there."

The end.


End file.
